It’s officially been 5 years since we’ve been graduated and gone from those halls of NVHS. Half a decade later, alot has changed.
Judging by the pictures I’ve seen on your Facebook pages and the things I’ve heard through the grapevine, some of us are married, some have kids, some are still very independent. Some have kept friendships with our peers going, some, like myself, have not. Some have been in school for these past few years, while some have held jobs instead. The majority of our class seems to be the ones who went to school, graduated, found a job, aren’t tied down to a marriage with someone, and still have those bonds to their fellow Pioneers. I guess I’d say I’m the opposite: true, I did go to college, but I didn’t graduate. I found jobs along the years, but nothing I felt good about doing. I am so tied down, but it’s a good thing, because it’s not a constraint to be committed to someone who’s wonderful. As for those bonds to my old classmates, I’d say all those bridges have fallen over the years: some with words, some with a lack thereof.
In these last 5 years, I’ve become stronger in my faith, I’ve found a new church family, and I’ve found someone to share my love for the Lord with. I’ve started running recently, I’ve learned to play guitar, and ukulele, I’ve swooned over every doggo, woofer and pupper my eyes have witnessed. I met my best friend, Sara, got to know some other amazing people, lost some amazing people, went on my first date. I got to be an aunt, a student, a college dropout, a girlfriend, a fiance, and a wife for the first time. I obtained my first full time job, leaving it behind after a year of dealing with other people’s crap, both figuratively and literally. I’ve learned to stand up for myself a bit more, but some days I feel like it’s 1 step forward, 2 steps back. I’m just living out everyday, trying to push myself to be better than who I was when you witnessed me last. Countless cups of coffee later, I’d say I’m doing well, looking for a new job, and trying to be someone I want to be. Oh, and we bought a house… homeowner here.
The last time I saw most of you was at graduation. I spent 7 years with most of you, 5 years ago being the last year, and it’s a strange feeling to think about how I knew none of you, and none of you knew me. I guess in the sense of pointing me out in a crowd, or spilling a few details here and there about me, you’d think, ‘I knew her,’ but honestly, no. You knew the version of me that was afraid to be herself, and I never took the time to really get to know any of you as friends because I didn’t want to be held down from leaving without hurting. I knew that, if I had any really great ties to Nooksack, family aside, I’d never leave this place. But friends are another story. Sure, I had a few close ones in school, but none that were really a part of my life outside of the campus limits… not in the end anyhow.
And I’m sorry. I’m sorry if, when we walked past each other in the halls, I wasn’t someone you could talk to. I’m sorry for not being someone you felt comfortable around. I’m sorry if, after all was said and done, I walked away from someone who may have considered me a friend up to that point. I’m sorry that I never gave you a chance to really understand me. I’m sorry that I may never really get to know any of you, however amazing you may be. I’m sorry if I pushed any of you out of my life when school came to an end. I wish I could have been better back then. In every way, but so is life.
I’d like to know how you all are doing. We’d all connected to each other at some point, even if, just slightly, and I’d like to know if you’re doing well. I’d like to see if you’re the same people you were back when we were together everyday. I’d like to witness a bit of your life now, see how it’s treating you. I’d love to hear about how you’ve grown in these last 5 years, about those twists and turns you’ve faced in life, the ones that defined who you are now. I’d love just to say that I know you now, a bit more than before.