I don’t know the full story, nor do I claim to understand your situation from your point of view. I simply know what I’ve heard about you, and how it’s affected the people you supposedly cared about: whether or not you actually did, I don’t know. But seeing your story through the eyes of someone who’s so forgiving, makes me believe, that if he can’t seem to even mention you much, then you must have really screwed up. So here’s to you: the one who never earned the covetted ‘father of the year’ award so willfully given out by kids who see a hero in their dad. Here’s everything I’ve wanted to say to you.
Let’s start with the obvious. How could you ever choose your lifestyle over him?
In the years that he saw you as an authority figure in his life- dare I say, a parent- you had choices to make: selfish, or selfless. To be, or not to be. What you chose to commit you’re life to was your biggest mistake: a weakness, but also not an excuse. It’s not my place to point fingers, but I can’t imagine how low you were willing to stoop for the satisfaction of an addiction, losing the respect and love of your own flesh and blood. So I’m sorry, but that will never be ok. It’s not ok that you hurt him… that you hurt THEM. Not when they make it so easy to love them, and want them to be happy. Sure, they’re not perfect, but any fool could see that those two- the ones you just tossed aside like they meant nothing- they are worth getting through their flaws. So shame on you. Shame on the guy who broke their hearts, and didn’t even think twice about it. I’m angry at you…. for those tears they wasted because of you.
I also feel sorry for you.
Maybe somewhere, deep down inside of you, you are actually hurting. I don’t know… but I wouldn’t say that’s not fair. To say the very least, you missed out. Instead of accepting your faults, and asking for help, you let them walk away. Instead of saying sorry, and trying to put your life back together, you said nothing. And now, your kids don’t respect you… they don’t even know you. The woman you once claimed to love, is now happy with someone else. And wherever you are in your life, you can never take the choices you made, the things you said, the time you spent, back. And that sucks for you, but you dug your own grave. It’s sad that you weren’t even invited to your son’s wedding. It’s heartbreaking that, at this rate, you’ll never meet your grandkids. It sucks that, one day, you were a crucial part of a family, and the next, you just weren’t anymore. I’m sorry for the tears you may have shed, and the pain you must have felt at some point, even if you were the one who caused it. I’m sorry that, the only reason they may have had for even forgiving you, was because it was a crucial part of moving on. I’m sorry that the kid that used to be yours now calls someone else ‘dad,’ THAT must sting. I’m sorry you are so very broken.
But I also want to say thanks.
Thank you, for not being the one they needed. Thank you for letting them move on from you. They are much better without you. I’m so grateful that I don’t have to think of you as a father in law: instead giving that title to someone who deserves it.
But honestly, thank you.
Thank you so much for your contribution to this world in the form of children you don’t want. Calvin is the best thing you ever didn’t do. And because of you, he has a brother… And a nephew. Which I guess weirdly makes me an aunt… So thanks. I always wanted to be one, even if I have yet to meet the little one, or his parents. Thank you for being a teachable moment for my mother in law. For making her be the one to have to be strong and brave, and be a wonderful single parent. She is happy now, without you, and she is the person I’ve come to know, in part, because of you.
I am so blessed to have the family you left behind. I am so grateful, for the people I know, that you helped shape in some way. I am so sorry you aren’t here to witness just how wonderful it is to have these people in your life. But more than anything, thank you for removing the toxins from this family, in the form of walking away.