Dear Nooksack,

Everyone romanticizes small towns. The lack of traffic, the low crime rates, and the overall idea that ‘everybody knows everybody’ comes across as the epitome of the American dream. I’m not saying these people are wrong, about MOST small towns….
But, then there’s you. 

To call you a hick town is a bit of an understatement, mostly due to the fact that for every one hick, there’s about 20 cows. And those cows STINK! I mean, there’s poop everywhere, and not just during the fertilizing season. 

I graduated with 67 people. Cool, right? Wrong. Of those 67, I only know a few who even bothered to leave for college, or just to do life. We have a saying that people who grow up in Nooksack, will die in Nooksack, and I can say with certainty that this rings true for most of my classmates. 

I once saw a post on my Facebook news feed from an old friend who was celebrating his move to Bellingham by saying “goodbye forever, Nooksack. I’ll miss you….not.” But the sad thing about this is that Bellingham is only 30 minutes away, and just as disgusting, just maybe a little less per capita. 

But you’re in Washington, so that must mean there’s at least some good coffee stands in town right? False. There are three places to get coffee in the tiny town, but if you don’t want grainy liquid, you’ll have to drive to the next town over. Sorry, but you fail at the one thing that you should be good at, so I don’t even understand what you’re still doing here.

Small towns are supposed to be charming, but you’re just run down. Small towns are supposed to have nice people with little dogs walking around and greeting everybody, but instead you have angry neighbor ladies who try to run kids at play off the road. Small towns are supposed to have fresh air, but you have the ever present linger of weed, dead opossum, and cow poop all over you. Every idea someone might have of what a small town should be, is the opposite of what you are. 

Nooksack, you disappoint me with your lack of drive to be presentable. You mock small towns everywhere, and ruin the idea of small town living for anyone who’s had to suffer through you. Take a shower soon. And not just a rain one.

With disgust,



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